I Heart Roger Clark

Well folks, we've just about come to the end. I Heart Roger Clark will be going on an indefinite hiatus. I feel we've grown a little closer to the guy who made morning news riotously funny there for awhile. So here's to you, Roger Clark. May your polos always be brown and your giggle always be charming. Even though there have been a lot more suits and ties lately, don't get too serious on us, Big Guy. Local cable needs you. Like Cats, you are now and forever.

xo
Jen

So sorry I neglected to post the other day when Roger was getting his flirt on in Williamsburg with short-haired artist chickie Caroline Woolard whose primary claim to fame are stools that she blow-torches to street signs. Though Caroline's website -with its pretentious musings on "reclaiming public space for the public" - is annoying, I have to say I appreciate this creative gesture even if she is a hipster. Roger took a seat and pretended to fall asleep. I'm pretty sure Rog and Caroline are dating now (what wife?).

This morning, Rog chatted with Rep. Carolyn Mahoney - who is most definitely not a hipster and would only be considered a chickie in the parallel universe of my nightmares - who took the red-eye from Albany just to chat with Clark about the fact that important historical documents will be making an appearance at Federal Hall in Lower Manhattan. Rog was wearing a suit and seemed dumbstruck that anyone would have actually flown in at the crack of dawn to chat with him about this. I think he also secretly wished that this Carolyn was also secretly an artist with a blow-torch. Now that would have been a news story.

Roger - dressed for the company holiday party - was at the Full Gospel Food Pantry today, admiring a box of organic fruity pebbles. While I too like to kid myself into believing that a cereal is healthy just because the box has cartoon characters of endangered species on it, I've learned my lesson. The "healthy" version of Cap'n Crunch or Crunch Berries are still gonna pack on the pounds. Trust me, Clark. My jeans are tight just thinking about it.

P.S. Pat K. and Rog have tapered back on their banter and Clark has taken assignments that only the biggest jacka** would dare poke fun at. Is it the fear of the poisoned blog barb? I sense a more serious Rog in the New Year. Say it ain't so.

P.P.S. Ok, so it turns out that not only is the cereal in question not organic, but its made by General Mills and is a marketing ploy for something called Neopets - "the greatest Virtual Pet Site on the Internet." This is incredible for a few reasons: One, there's a website where you can create your own pet. Whatever happened to mom and dad buying their kids a dog? Two, ok, how about a canary? Three, there's actually a cereal named after a site promoting imaginary pets. I wonder if this cereal has imaginary calories? If so, go on and eat all you want, Rog. And send me a box.

Roger was on the streets of SoHo today reporting on the cobblestone "problem" facing the residents there. Apparently, the antique stones - one of which Roger was holding at the beginning of the report until the weight of its vintage-ness became too much - are moving around (bad cobblestones!) and lots of folks have been getting their Prada heels caught during boutique runs. The shame of it all. Rest assured Over-priced Loft Owners, those messy streets (so hard to find good help nowadays) are being put back together properly just in time for the holiday season. You are free once more to pretend that you live in Europe.

I've got to get off the crack or NY1 needs to stop giving Rog assignments that can be turned into silly headlines leaving our man wide open for the barbs of mean kids who come wielding electronic "Kick Me" notes. Case in point, this morning's Roger Report focussed on today's Board of Health meeting during which its members will vote on three things:

1. Banning trans fat: The government wants to get all up in your business

2. U Pick Yr Gender: The government says go ahead, get up in your own business.

3. Dogs, Their Leashes, and the People Who Hold Them: The government says that dogs can do their business, but only where it says so.

What an unfortunate trifecta of issues to have to get on a microphone and talk about. This is dinner theater at its very worst. In typical fashion, the man-on-the-street interviews also took a bizarre turn. My favorite was the older woman who - when asked for her feelings on the City's involvement in our food choices - responded "I've got oatmeal in my bag. I just want to know what I'm doing." So do we, honey.

Poor Rog - clad only in his barn jacket - looked extra sleepy today. Hopefully, he was able to get himself a nice trans fat-free doughnut and a warm cup of coffee to take the edge off.

I waited and waited and watched and had three refills of coffee and I somehow managed to miss Clark's report on the closing of Carmen's Place - a shelter for transgendered homeless youth - and all I want to know is how I could have been sitting on the couch, awake no less, for more than an hour and I never once saw our man. All I remember is Kefi Drexel and a ridiculously busty dietician whose sage advice on staying healthy in the wintertime pretty much extended to washing your hands. Genius. And for this I need a news segment?

On a more serious note, Carmen's Place is an amazing, wonderful resource and I had no idea it was shutting down. Kudos to Clark and NY1 for featuring this important story and not avoiding a topic that so many other stations might consider to be taboo. I'm really sorry I missed it.

But that doesn't mean his eyes will soon be turnin' red. Cryin's not for Rog. Cause he's never gonna stop the rain by complain'. Because he's freeeee. Nothing's worryin' Claaarrrkkk. (No time is a bad time for "The Fantasticks.")

Generally speaking, being able to work from or on the beach is a pretty cool gig. Unless you're Roger Clark. Poor Rog. Forced to stand out on the sands of Rockaway Beach and report on the veritable heat wave hitting NYC (in December) while the tornado-like winds whip up and the rain starts to fall. I didn't think I'd get to see the NY1 windbreaker/raincoat again this season (after the The Great Thanksgiving Balloon Inflation debacle) but sure enough there it was in all it's windbreaker glory. Overall, I think the best part of this morning's report was when the drizzle started hitting the camera lens in such a way that made Roger look like he was being covered with polka dots. It was like the universe was having a little fun at the expense of our guy who doesn't need any more ribbing between this blog, "the other" blog, and life (not to mention the occasional bad hot dog). On behalf of all five boroughs, thanks for never letting the news, the weather, the vendors, the kids, the balloons, the blogs, etc. get you down. You are the Energizer Bunny of morning news, Roger Clark, and I salute you.