Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Will the real Roger Clark please stand up?
There's so much to say about today's Roger Report that I don't even know where to begin and as usual it has almost nothing to do with the news (both the report and my thoughts on it). First of all, there's Roger's new hairdo. Flattops went out a couple of years ago, Clark. I'm grateful you don't have a fade, but for the love of god, there's nothing wrong with a little bit of hair gel. Secondly, WHAT'S UP WITH THE SUIT?! I let it slide yesterday, but two days in a row is inexcusable. Would it kill you to put on a pair of jeans and, at the risk of being redundant, a polo shirt? T-shirts, sweatsuits, even parachute pants (can't touch this!) are also acceptable. Now for the biggie. Is that a wedding ring on your left hand, Clark? Was that there yesterday? Did you get married this morning? If so, I will excuse the suit (not the haircut, however). I suppose congratulations are in order. Women throughout the five boroughs mourn the loss, but please tell me this does not mean you're "all grown up" now and the days of hard-hitting news stories on paintball are behind you. I'll just die!
Thankfully, the vaudeville show that is Pat K. and R.C. was in full effect or this would forever be known as Black Tuesday. I'm going to blame the fact that Kiernan The Canadian knew the words to the Yankees song - while Roger could only grin and follow along - on the fact that Clark's NECKTIE (to go with his SUIT) was tied too tight. Or perhaps this really is the New Roger: a blushing new groom who got hit with the serious stick. It's a wedding band, Roger, not a death sentence so lose the undertaker duds and get back to reporting on what we all really care about: hot dog eating contests, blackouts (make one up if you have to), water polo. And PLEASE do not let Pat outshine you in the Americana trivia department. Sweet save mentioning that you grew up right by The House That Ruth Built, but it doesn't count for anything if you can't spell Yankees. So get yourself a pair of Jams, have yourself some Freedom Fries and go out there and do what you do best. And if you don't know what that is, ask Pat.
Thankfully, the vaudeville show that is Pat K. and R.C. was in full effect or this would forever be known as Black Tuesday. I'm going to blame the fact that Kiernan The Canadian knew the words to the Yankees song - while Roger could only grin and follow along - on the fact that Clark's NECKTIE (to go with his SUIT) was tied too tight. Or perhaps this really is the New Roger: a blushing new groom who got hit with the serious stick. It's a wedding band, Roger, not a death sentence so lose the undertaker duds and get back to reporting on what we all really care about: hot dog eating contests, blackouts (make one up if you have to), water polo. And PLEASE do not let Pat outshine you in the Americana trivia department. Sweet save mentioning that you grew up right by The House That Ruth Built, but it doesn't count for anything if you can't spell Yankees. So get yourself a pair of Jams, have yourself some Freedom Fries and go out there and do what you do best. And if you don't know what that is, ask Pat.
# posted by Unknown @ 7:33 AM 
